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Airport worker screens women for pregnancy

Airport Security to Offer Courtesy Ultrasounds to Women

No word on if men will also be examined… Republicans introduced a measure today that would require the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) to set up additional checkpoints in all major U.S. airports. These new stations will be utilized to screen travelers flying into the U.S. for pregnancy and possibly deny entry to expectant mothers. The announcement…

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  • Gun rights word cloud

    New Smart Gun Only Fires in Self Defense

    Are smart knives next? When the first smart gun went on sale in America, there was a lot of scrutiny. Gun rights advocates positioned their argument around the idea that gun nuts were trying to legislate more control over firearms. Groups wanting to reduce the number of shootings in the country alleged that gun enthusiast…

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  • Lamaze exercises for finance success

    Credit Cards Offered to Kids Ease Parents’ Financial Burdens

    “I didn’t give birth to myself” says one Mother With the cost of bringing up a child in the United States estimated at between $245,000 and $304,480, many parents of Boomlets are facing the challenges with a smile. It’s a new approach that leverages the cost of maintaining a family through a model of responsibility…

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  • Flickr: Shopping Carts Photo by Snaps

    Wal-Mart Set to Tap into Legal Services Scalping Market

    Could Dollar Store Attorneys be Next? Wal-Mart stock jumped 23% this week on news that the company plans to expand its legal services. Shoppers in Toronto stores can already file for divorce on isles three and seven, acquire document notarizations next to kitchenware and have their screaming kids written out of wills in layaway. Talks…

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  • Gun Enthusiast

    U.S. Secessions Canceled Thanks to Foreign Language Films

    A Culture of Secessionist Plans for the violently peaceful secession of Texas from the United States were addressed by Governor Rick Perry this afternoon. As of the time of this writing, a petition had gained more than 81,000 supporters wanting the state to leave. The document in question maintains that Texas is the 15th largest…

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  • People exercise in landfill

    Santa Monica to Regulate the Health Conscious

    City Says the Park is Not Your Gym Santa Monica, CA – In March 2013, the City Council of Santa Monica will review ways in which to regulate the rampant outbreak of health conscious individuals who jog, bike and bend over in city parks and beaches. “We’re concerned that all of this moving around damages…

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  • Selfie Mugshot

    Police Set to Host First Annual Hot Mugshot Awards 

    Some Officers Throwing Back Unattractive Arrestees Stockton, CA – In 2014, when SPD officials released a mugshot of hot criminal Jeremy Meeks on the department’s Facebook page, the posting went viral and the phones wouldn’t stop ringing. People kept calling asking for dates with Mr. Meeks and sending panties through the mail. When that didn’t work,…

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  • Trader has meltdown on trading floor

    Investors Bet on Death of a Chairman

    Are Investors Playing a Deadly Game? South Korea – Shares of Samsung jumped more than 4 percent this week on rumors that the company chairman had been hospitalized for a heart attack, cancer, or a tummy ache. “Whatever it may be, these are really exciting times for the business” stated one expert. “We’ve studied the…

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  • Gym lockers

    Football Team Afraid to Shower

    Kissing Sparks Unwanted Fear When gay linebacker Jamie Kuntz man kissed his boyfriend, it was as though he’d tackle raped the entire North Dakota State College of Sciences football team. It quickly became the smooch heard around the world as several players experienced a temporary blindness that cost the Wildcats the game, and Kuntz his…

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  • A sex intern often working in cramped conditions.

    Escort Interns Just Giving It Away

    Long Hours Often Require Taking Work Home Chicago, IL – When Misty took an unpaid internship at one of the largest outcall agencies in D.C., her mood could be described as skeptical, but moist. “I was told that I’d need experience before starting a career as a political Madam” she said. “It’s always been my…

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  • Interdimensional beings

    First Lady Not Aboard Crashed UFO

    Puts Racist Alien Theory To Rest Okinawa, Japan – People worldwide breathed a sigh of relief when it was discovered that Japan’s first lady was not aboard a UFO that crashed off the coast of Okinawa. Miyuki Hatoyama had been rumored to be taking a joy ride aboard the alien craft at the time but…

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